Take control.

I do not know how to ask for more. And im worried about all the rules i used before to keep myself in check, now they have become thick thick unbreakable walls. How am i ever going to live with all these rules in place? All the yadadadada.. Maybe making a mistake, breaking out first, is the way out.. Too deep in.. Feel like i missed out far too much and. I will keep missing out.

There are many reasons why i love work, but one of the main reason is that, i feel more in control of whats going to happen, a certain amount of hard work, a certain amount of presence , will get you somewhere , for sure or somewhat. I like to know whats going to happen, i like to know the plans, i like to know where is something heading too, i like to know that by putting in this much effort, what the results will be. I wish i was more spontaneous .

God, i pray for a good week ahead, got a feeling it might be a wee bit tough. I hope i dont choke up with emotions.

Goodnight.

xx

To Marilyn Monroe.

superpaksiw:

theequirkyromantic:

Do you know who that picture is of? That’s Marilyn Monroe. They’ve considered her the most beautiful women in the world. She’s gorgeous, and beautiful, right? But look at her stomach. Is it completely flat? Does she not have love handles or, perfect long skinny legs? No. She doesn’t. And wanna know something? Her pants size, was a size 9. She wasn’t some fucking 00 or 1. She had CURVES. You all worry about your pants size, and your weight when, in reality, who cares? Why not live your life and be happy instead of counting calories in your head? Trying to “Be skinny”? You think losing weight is going to automatically make you feel better? It won’t. No magical fairy is gonna come flying outta fucking wood work, declaring, “You’re now officially hot! Boys love you now! You can be accepted by society!” No. Utter, bullshit. You’re fucking beautiful; it’s society that’s fucked. Love yourself, because if you cant love yourself, you can’t love anybody, or anything else. Be free, and be happy. Fuck what the media says, you want that double cheese-burger with bacon? GO FOR IT. Until your weight starts to affect your health, you’re perfectly fine to eat what you please. ♥

BE NATURAL. THAT’S ALL IT IS.

(via porsheohporshe)

~ I think its important to know whats the definition of beauty is and first & foremost, love yourself. Find someone that loves you thru thick and thin, wants only the best for you, flaunt you around cause he's happy you're his girl not cause your a trophy. Go easy on yourself girls, never settle for less, never be second best, never be the second choice. Dont be that girl sitting around waiting for something to happen, off you go, go make it happen. Happiness isnt something that just falls into your lap, its a choice that can only be made by you. Find someone that loves you right.

Goodnight.

sweet cheeks

i am finally 21. i am so tired from the awesome weekend. i need to sleep first then process this entire trip. i am very blessed and loved. so glad everyone had fun, gotta sleep, gotta be super woman tomorrow at 6.30am again. nighty

~ i still think you & i could make something out of it, at least a step forward to be friends.

so glad we are speaking again.

nighty.

l'esprit de escalier

Get a grip.

quit being impulsive.

God, cut it away and help me toss it away.

Its not impossible to walk on.

deserves so much more.

but isnt that what everyone says?

even people who dont?

someday someone will sing a lovely song to me.

Goodnight.

Barely a week away.

~ yeah, remember that, opportunity comes, grab it.

Its like when it comes to you, my entire life, being, mindset, dreams , theories deserts me. It's as though, its two different person. One that knows what she wants, what she deserve, what she needs , with tons of dreams that needs to be fulfilled, working slowly but surely towards it. The other pretty much shelf all of that up and is so delusional, its difficult to believe. I'm turning 21 in barely days , with tons going on for me, working , my family , my friends , parties , sports, gym , i look good enough for myself, sometimes i forget im all that & so much more and still believe im nothing, like when i was 17..

maybe cause you had me when i was nothing, left me when i was nothing.

I cannot wait.. i worry about this saturday but i would love for it to come & really have a good good time surrounded by most of my love ones.

Worked so hard in the gym, i miss the gym, heart pumping enough for me to clear my brain, punching all the stress away , i know i am gg to wake up with a ache..... but. love it.

Goodnight, 5 freaking more days.

I'm scare.. but excited.

(:

xx

Something borrowed.

After tons of good movies.. but.. finally caught a chic flick with me girlfriend, melo

She got her sisters to watch movies with, my own dear sister is too busy for me, plus.. who wanna watch chic flicks? (: Aye, i love the movie. It wasnt just a silly chic flick that just get by with hot chicks and some silly love story line. "Something borrowed" was hilarious, sweet to watch even. It was never too disgusting or too sweet in your face sort? It was good, funny even. You will find yourself confuse as to who to root for. Afterall, it has cheating all over it, but alas... love conquers all. Not that its right, but sometimes, you need to stand up and grab hold of things, of people,, stop letting people walk by you. Under of course, the best possible moments. I think, if your best friend, whose objectively, can tell you to go for it even if it has wrong all over it, maybe you should. Even good people fall short sometimes too right? And even those people deserve a shot at being happy.

i honestly cannot wait for 5 years later. 5 years, we will see each other at hopefully the right place in our lives.

Goodnight.

superwoman

I think even someone whose strong , independent , strives hard , with both feet on the ground, surrounded by tons of love ones, gets tired of standing alone, fighting alone , sleeping alone.

Does all those ambitions matters? All those factors, that check list you have, does it really matters?

I guess it does. Maybe its time to make not so good choices.

x

en strangled.

with work piling, hours extended way beyond 12 hours, body not recovering from the sniffles and the temperature, with voice been a frustration ,head throbbing, with plans keep changing, with the supposedly plans not working out , with no time on hand, with my dad not being any help, i feel like shit and pretty much alone. i can be calm, calm within the storm. but i just lost my cool. sorry dad.

I think i only know how to be mediocre okay, i dont know how to be happy anymore.

i am stress...

i am not suppose to be this stress .

i should have given more time and thought into this planning.

i dont feel like doing anything anymore.

want it to be perfect, but my heart is pumping over rate .

what if the food isnt hot?

what if the food isnt nice?

what if the food not enough?

am i spending too much unnecessarily?

what if the space is too small?

what if the drinks run out?

what if there isnt any more mixers?

what if the ice runs out?

what if everything turns shit?

no wonder people say dont set expectations, hence avoid the disappointment.

argh.

fuck.

i should have thought longer before booking the hotel.

:( this sucks.

I rather love a bit too much then any lesser.

Please help me help myself.

every touch every sight are being burnt into my memory.

reliving.

it does not tally. my life does not intercedes yours anymore.

i am too far away, right? am i not?

Goodnight.

between you & i// June.

i have many things to say, of which I dont know how to begin.

Maybe im embarrassed, or worse still, ashamed of it.

It is June.. again. Its crazy, when i went to office two days ago,

i was flipping my calendar and typing out 1st June..

my heart dropped. I was .. darn. what on earth!

Time.. time is what Life is made up of, isnt it scary?

like sand slipping thru your fingers no matter how hard you try to contain it.

I want too many things , too many people, at the same time,

i need to spilt myself up for it to be possible.

i want to achieve everything, the important things & the not so important things.

I want to have everything, juggle everything, and still have my time for myself.

is it possible at all?

that feeling of head over heels, without a single wall thought blocking, knowing that the possibility of tumbling down down down, doesnt quite matter, going all the way, pouring & giving everything you can, heart thumping non stop, basically to love without rules , to feel and not stop yourself halfway. When?

Night.