Family.//Post 400.

Family.

Forever, always..

I hate it everytime my parents goes on a trip, just the two of them.

My dad will always inevitable , before i head to bed, make me sit down..

and have that "talk" with me.

That stupid talk.. Okay not so stupid, if willing, i know i understand.

But its heart wrenching to even think of what kind of talk it is about.

The entire 20 minutes of conversation,circles around..

" What you must do if something happen..."

" Theres a letter here somewhere, dont worry, Godma knows everything..."

" Gotta look after your sister..."

" But dont worry... nothing will happen. It's just, for , you know, just in case.."

Then i go nuts. For the next 15 minutes, will be about me blabbering how I should just go along.

How every night, when I pray, one segment of my prayer is always about me praying fervently that if God gotta take one of us, please just take all of us. So no one get left behind. If my rents can live till 100, then my sister & me would gladly live till just 70 and we all pass on together.

I hate it when he makes me sit down and listen to that conversation.

But i know its necessary.

So then, God i pray, since my sister's at camp, and I cant get time off work. Look after my pops and moms. They are good people, they have a heart so big, filled with love. So i cant let my moms go before shes at church. And I cannot let my rents go yet, before they get to enjoy the fruit of their labour, me.

Everything i do, i do for my family.

This is kinda personal, but I cannot process much being this tired and frustrated.

But i know , whatever happens, happens solely based on your will.

And only You know the best. You see every angle, every view, 360 degrees, all the time.

I only can see one picture, right infront of me.

So I put trust in you and my family in you.

It's just a silly three days trip..

Sigh, I love my family.

You know what they say about worrying?

Dont.

SO! I shall go sleep.

Goodnight.

snippets ; fighter.

YOU GOTTA LOVE SCRUBS! (:

weeks events.

Spotting this car in two colors at a block off fort road!

Macbeth , my first play with my moo. ; fort canning park.

waiting for the play to start.

after work drinks promo with colleagues. (:

the infamous vincent.

counterparty's movie event. I love the movie seats and the giganto screen, i dont even need my classes. hah. thanks dens (:

the good old zouk, hopping over for just an hour.

reliving , relishing how it was like in the past, for every week, every friday. tsk.

j's surprise return for just 2 days! (:

the happy boy that finished his papers.

hopping to attica for ling's birthday (:
happy birthday ling.

Snippets part two soon.

Goodnight .

zouk holds too much history, too intertwined its scary, madness. 3 years on from turning eighteen, i still love zouk, mainly cause of the people, graduating from phuture to velvet and the endless laughs and stupid funny stories we all have to keep now in our memories. the friendships forged because of it. darn.. haha. you gotta love & hate this place.

BARCELONA FOR THE WIN!

Overdrive

hahahahahahahahahhahh darn right.

After a crazy last week, of up and downs, i think i went a wee bit over drive at work and at gym.

but all is good, feel like my brain been put to good use, my body back into how it was supposed to be , haha in motion. OK! watched american idol I wanna sleep now! Sniff sniff, i also want scottie, hahah kthx.

Goodnight.

xx

reliving it all.

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbours think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

[Chorus]
At night when the stars
Light on my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes your on
The other side
Talking to me too
Oh Am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I stopped asking why, cause i never could understand why. Instead I asked how. Please someone teach me how. Help me.

Your heart is an empty room// Marching Bands of Manhattan.

HELLO JELLO.

Been on a roller coaster lately, with work consuming most of my time, i try to make time for everything else. Been a bit of a crazy week, cant believe all of it happened in a week's time. Like eek. Oh wells, besides, I watched Macbeth! That was good, interesting, and i enjoyed it plenty.

Okay, gotta sleep, work tomorrow~ yay.

And modern family is really, hilarious. Watch it to put a smile on your pretty face.

x

pss; in case u dont know, your like my secret pen pal, happy.

xx

The First Grader

A touching story of a 84 years old kenyan who fought hard to learn to read, against all odds. Instead, he taught those who taught him , life.

Please watch this trailer! every view , an organization will be donating 50 cents to education purposes in kenya.

God bless this land.

Night.

Always be my thunder.

Been busy settling my birthday place, a couple more nitty gritty details to confirm.

Very lazy... wheres my entourage?

You asked me why & I am asking you how.

Maybe I didnt try hard enough.

I need to try harder.

Why did you persist so hard when you were not gg to be bother after all?

I wish i could throw it all away.

And. Even I am feeling sorry for my own pathetic soul.

Solace work.

I literally feel the difficulties to breathe the moment i leave my office building.

& I am sincerely sorry for my mistake, twice, twice is a dangerous number to be on.

It gotta stop, it has already stopped.

Guilty.

I dont do things like that.. I dont.

Goodnight.

xx

Ballyhoo '

Tired! A crazy weekend.. with tons of emotions all mixed together. Loved & lost, guilt , missing , betrayal , lies , smiles , laughter .... tons of them. Well, whichever it is. I am just taking the day to sleep off everything. Sometimes, as much as i want to understand, i just dont. so dont expect me too when the day comes. why lie to me? your friend. sigh. too busy to bother anymore.

Goodnight.

` maybe this is what it is again, knowing that i have that feeling but not feeling that emotion, feel like the need to cry, but my entire being cant be bothered. well its a good thing, numb aye? i think i imagined too much, delusional when it comes to you. and sometimes i see things i dont want too, and i cringe. eek, cause i always chose to forget and play pretend, but those things happened.. i cant accept it sometimes. Well. all things came one circle.

think i need to go for my body combat classes again. release some tension.

tired.

x

feel like grabbing a handful of colorful sugar and eating them.

hehe

night.

Red Dot // M Hotel // Zouk

Why did you have to leave? I should have gone earlier.

Feel like your touch is burnt into my skin.

Imprinting your presence.

Breathe.

Deserve someone who gives a shit.

* God I pray you give me strength , extra strength to help , to reach out and to break through her. Thank you.

xx

Yashica.

WHERE ARE THESE FLAVOURS IN SINGAPORE? I WANNA TRY.

( I reckon only the last one is available here )

* crazy phases, beware.

I dont know what to think about when I have time, i just end up feeling alot of emotions and no words can describe it. Thus work gives me alot of perspective, work gives me a direction and for many hours in a day, i feel in control. Fingers cross. WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK. i secretly love work.

Let me talk about yesterday.

Yesterday was exciting.

I got caught in the rain. it was super heavy, at 7.55am, out of marina bay station. walked for 3 minutes, suddenly crazy heavy rain hit. And... i was running, shared an umbrella but guess what? the wind blew the entire umbrella away. Needless to say, I was drenched by the time I reached my office. Crazy stuffs, it was insane. hahaha blew dried after. nuts, then met Ed to grab dinner and presents for our friends this weekend. Which explains me being home early and going to sleep now.

Last week I did something exciting too, first time at that restaurant, first time in the cable in SG. freak the shit out of me, but, will blog that later with photos of course.

An event opening with Nigel & Jona that was pretty fun. After brewrekz with sashie & sherry. And popping into zouk to find my giant and the barker boys. Waited till 7am to get a cab that was insanely frustrating.

did something unthinkable. yawns.

Goodnight, first, gotta get skinny. gotta run that 21km in dec, can? of course.

* striking off was so easy whenever a single flaw was found, whether its a way to protect or just plain stupid.. it reminds us how with them, that never happened. Or. thats what we want to remember. Its true what they say, after a bad time, you struggle and you struggle.. when you think back, all you remember was the good stuffs. Somehow or rather, you refuse to admit the bad memories. Selective memory aye.

A long weekend coming right up.

HIdeaways.

They say when you love someone, you should love every bit of them.

but sorry, i cant do that. you got some way horrific flaws i cannot deal with.

maybe thats why i try to prove everyone wrong so badly.

but it is okay.. it is okay to walk away and let someone fend for themselves.

take responsibility to their mistakes.

you mother too much mandy.

sometimes. i am really am sorry for even caring..

I tangled up alot of things myself.

crazy weekend and i mean it.

Goodnight.

Haruki Murakami.

"two people can sleep in the same bed and still be alone when they close their eyes"
— Haruki Murakami (Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World)

Elvis Presley - Always on my mind.

Suddenly I remember those blurry promises and words , it is 2011.

it is us all turning 21. the details though.. i honestly dont remember.

where,what,time,place.

Sleep never comes sooon enough.

going into over drive, going through the motion.

Wee hours.

I finally found my solace, work .

Drained and loose & i refuse help.

So tired my body is acting up, but i dont know how to sleep.

cant i just waddle in my misery awhile more?

so tired of feeling tired of circles.

clocking 12 hours and more.

x

Easy heart.

*because i am barely human, i cant always keep myself above waters, sometimes even i drown

& I realize that you can never make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, its no longer a mistake, its a choice. Suffered serious basorexia symptoms. bad bad bad drug for me.

The heart has its reasons that reason does not understand. - Douglas Kennedy