meow

Happy halloween guys.

Being mad busy at work is absolutely a good thing except, was insanely tired.

meow, had such a bad sleep sigh.

goodnight.

NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT.

Dont you remember?

"Don't You Remember"

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,

I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often think about where I went wrong,
The more I do, the less I know,

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

Gave you the space so you could breathe,
I kept my distance so you would be free,
And hope that you find the missing piece,
To bring you back to me,

Why don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,
Baby, please remember me once more,

When will I see you again?



sigh, difficult times , i do stupid things and measures that are not necessary. the way i abuse myself is horrendous but necessary in this case of getting well , the kind of scenarios i create in my head is scary thus a red light was shown . Reasoning going back and forth, a minute of being okay, a second of deep ache, a minute of logic and thinking this is unnecessary and my old self laughing back in the mirror , mocking me for the fact that its a joke that i am feeling this way. of all the years how i fence and de fence and block and wriggle my way out of situations, sigh, this time , wide open and whats left is pretty much half empty.

my body needs to catch up, it needs to be contained and controlled and turn away and not just walk away, but please run away. run as fast as you can please mandy. Just a wee bit, just a wee bit difficult now.

how do you put an end to something that never had a beginning to begin with?

please i pray , my emotions needs to catch up.
what happened, happened, what moved , moved, what wavered, wavered, what was seen , has been seen , what was felt, felt, just breathe, accept and off you go love. sometimes you just always harbor an unhealthy hope , thats beyond logic. sigh

xx
i am way toooooooo coooooooool.
older and wiser, so please mandybobo , stop being a train wreck and get on with it.

meow x2 , " Follow your heart, but! take your brain with you. "

With a heart like this, I cannot wait till it happens.

Got to be patient , at least now i know,

sigh hahahha not so closed up anymore.

Nevertheless, picky.

I hope we go to aussie!

me wants a tattoo again lately.

uh oh, considering im older now,

working... it is so much more possible.

Hip hip hip meow.

Slowly but surely, hohohoho i feel the entire me seeps in again.

Me kick ass, cause i am awesome.

headaches vs heartaches

I pray with all my heart, that my emotions catches up with my logic soon. Because, it is stupid and a waste of time to be hurting like this. But, gotta cut myself some slack, i am merely human. The world is such a big place, gotta move around smartly. Save myself from silly things like these and learn from it. Just give me time to tune out and waddle myself in misery just a bit. Half of the time i am amused with this, it's like im laughing but my eyes are tearing.

one step at a time mandy, just remember with every step, breathe.

Got to sleep, been having this headache bad bad headache for days. My friend says, it's not the headache that is giving you this mood, its this mood that's giving you this headache. Coupled with the lack of sleep, lack of food, too much caffeine , too much alcohol, no longer eighteen... my body is crumbling.

Goodnight.

Just human // Curtains fall.

hoho my first mandarin video? [:

Sure.. i am happy like most of the time.. like perhaps... 300 days in a year?

still it is needless to have days like these , these kind of traps i walked in by my own default. silly choices i make that when the emotions takes over, my body shivers with goosebumps. Worse thing is, i feel like i am sorry for all of this, no.. not of the ways you are, but for getting myself into this. i should know better. Breathe amanda, breathe. You are just merely human, these days are meant to remind you that you are capable of other emotions beside being jovial. Almost amused that i can possibly feel these sort of feelings. haahahahah, okay.. w h a t e v e r

its always the nights thats a bit much more difficult to get thru. but it does gets better, that i know for a fact. not easy though when my body feels as though its missing some parts.

goodnight.

Ps: I had an amazing day at work, like so amazing it reminded me of why i even picked this industry in the first time. that adrenaline rush, that high i reached at work... made all of this 1 year 2 weeks so worth slogging for. It was amazing, was so happy till night engraved me. But, i was insanely thrilled. (: Finally. Thank God. (:

PPS: Had an amazing dinner with dennis sim , my bro, my colleague, who didnt get annoyed with me rumbling for two days straight, and even, still had an amazing tasteful awesome dinner. Appreciate it bro, blog it wit photos soon. I am very lucky to have friends like these.

xx

holly jean's " why i still prefer older men "

"I've always been attracted to older men.
Read these 4 past blog posts to understand where I am coming from (especially if you're a new reader)
Should I Date an Older Man?
Women Who Date Older Men Are Gold Diggers
Of Cougars and Kittens
My Older Men Fetish
Last year however, (following my failed relationship with my Ex Mark who was 19 years older than me), I started opening my dating horizons to men who were my age as well.

I was with GB for a few months last year (he was only 32) and then I was with the HK guy earlier this year (8 yrs older).... but anything less than 10 years, I don't consider "older". Well, I was never attracted to him in the way I am attracted to older men.

But both relationships didn't last beyond a few months. In retrospect (yes, hindsight is wonderful), I am glad it didn't. I would not have been happy with either of them in the long run... especially with HK guy. I can't believe I let that drag. I'm so happy he's the sort who is wishy washy and doesn't have a clue what he wants in life. That's me off his hook!

Now that I am dating an older man again (he is 12 years older.. so we are both Monkeys in the Chinese zodiac)... I'm loving it... I'm loving him... I adore him, I feel special and I am happy again. It's just a much better match than all my previous ones.
And here's why I STILL prefer older men.

Older Men...
... are more interesting than men of my own age. They grew up in a different decade from me. I lived my teenage years and 20s to the fullest... experiencing all of what the 90's and 00's had to offer to the young and inexperienced. I want to be with someone who has experienced a different decade, or the same decade but in a different phase of life.

...have direction. Young men either don't have direction or they are trying to pursue far too many directions at the same time. There is nothing wrong with this. By all means, pursue your career, or your first whatever... but your hierarchy of needs do not match mine at this time.

...won't jeopardise the relationship. Young men tend to spend at least a decade of their lives letting good women pass them by...mainly by messing around with stuff (like flirting and cheating and lying) they know will destroy the relationship...but they still do it. Older men know better.

... don't play games. And I don't mean computer games (although older men tend not to obsess over computer games.. which is a good thing). What I mean is the mind game. Younger men like to keep their options open, while still keeping you close. They work towards getting the best hand they possibly can, while older men work towards keeping you.

... understand things better. They put alot of the childish things behind them and look at the things that really matter. I've also found that they have more patience and are more resilient in times of turmoil.

... share the same lifestyle preference as I do. I like socialising and having drinks with my partner in the evenings... but at the end of the day, home is where I want to be most. Any relationship (whether you're the same age or not) where at 10 p.m., he's wearing pajamas and falling asleep with a book in his hands.... and she's got on her dancing shoes on and is heading for the clubs.... is not going to last. And even if it does, it's not going to be a fullfilling one.

.... give me peace of mind. Well, not all older men... but my man in particular doesn't keep me at home worrying. When he's out for drinks with his mates, he bothers to make the effort to give me a quick ring, and send me SMSs. I never asked for any of this.. but I appreciate it a lot. I could never stay with someone who makes me feel insecure.

... make great lovers. You know how whenever you see an older man with a younger partner on the streets, the first thought is... "Oh, he must be rich and he must be with her for the sex." Contrary to that popular (shallow) assumption... I have found that it was the younger men who were eager to jump into my pants. Older men (who are serious about you) know that sex is not a race, and make the effort to build the relationship first.

... are romantic. I'm not talking the seranade-on-a-gondola-in-Italy type romance (though you're still more likely to get that out of an older man than that boy with spiked up hair who secretly wanks off to porn in his bedroom). But I'm talking about the little things which all add up. We've not even been together 4 months yet. But I already have so many special moments which I hold close to my heart.

... are protective. But in a Non-Cave Man Way. The first thought on a younger man's mind when he's trying to protect you is to bash someone's face in or break their legs. An older guy is less worried about beating up another person and more concerned with getting you out of that situation, whatever it may be.

Of course not ALL older men are great. Not all men age like fine wine. And some men just never grow up. But if you choose wisely, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. Bottomline is you have to live your life for yourself when it comes to everything from what type of career to pursue to whom you fall in love with. Go seek your happiness.

So yeah... I tried for a year to date men my age (or only a bit older)... but I still prefer older men (this current one in particular :) )

"

I dont think its just about the age, but age definitely plays a huge part in things simply because you had more time hence go through more situation in life to figure more things out. Recently i think all ive been doing is going through the motions. I havent really sat down to think about things i usually do. I walk around now with such a heavy heart , noticing that i have been dragging my feets a bit more then usual. Dont get me wrong, i have been laughing super alot like usual, i just for some reason put everything behind me. assuming that maybe if i pretend , things will get better, or they will disappear. Then i realize, i am feeling extremely suffocated. I am sighing every few seconds, my emotions are not being translated into words. I feel like a confused person and losing myself a bit. Like i am not so sure of myself anymore, i feel like i need to take a super long break. I really do enjoy the perks of being a working adult,but seriously......... wish i was back in school. The long breaks i get is something i should have cherished a bit more. Think things been going on way too well for me that now when i feel like i need to reach out, i do not know how to. I just pretty much put it behind my mind and continue my normal routine of work. Okay........ guess what. i am out of my element here and i need to find myself again. I need to go get things done and dig through my own walls and translate my emotions into words before i formulate a strategy. I know not everything can be "logicalize" but for me it has to at least make sense a bit. I need to do what i need to do.

I shall not be on the fence anymore.

a fast life // wishes.

At different point of my life, i want different things.

I want to be different things , different personas at different times.

Sometimes I am not happy and very insecure, thinking i have to be a size uk4 , which translates to me wanting to be skinny, skinnier , smaller package , smaller arms, skinnier legs , less chubs on my chubs cheeks , less jiggles when i walk and the only thing that bounce is my gorgeous black hair. i also then want pretty face, nicer eyes , luscious lips , really long flattery eye flashes, perfectly shaped eye browns , radiant skin all the time. mind you, no eye bags, no little ugly pimples . Nails always shaped and perfectly painted.

Hair gorgeous , silky and long , curly and pretty bouncy . Feet perfectly fitting in all gorgeous inched shoes , tramping around with no difficulty . No matter what's the weather out there, always looking picture perfect. All i do is stroll down beaches or madison avenue , with my camera in hand, exploring new places , new countries , new party place , having enough just to spend but having the time of my life.

Peachy huh no? BUT... i am nowhere near any of this. I am so so so so so so much prettier in my head. Isnt she a hottie? Victoria Moore. hahahaha

Then some days all i want to do and want to be is, to dressed head to toe in long sleeves silky cotton shirts, high waisted sexed up black pencil skirts , black tight dresses, with bags like mulberry ; marc jacobs ; loewe ; prada ; chanel to pick from , heels high as hell but professional at the same time , most importantly , boss a roomful of men around and talk about charts all the time. With all the moolah I get from spending almost 20 hrs at work , still looking good though , a pretty house for myself ,

definitely an awesome car (maybe a couple) ,

occasional flings here and there to make sure and check that i still have it going. Taking long deserving holidays when i know i need to, to places i never thought i would visit. Surrounded by Suit up men all the time.

Then there are days like these that i want the best of both worlds.

to be skinnier , prettier , smaller , taller , hotter , to own that to own this to own practically everything , to live that fast life to also live that slow life , to dive into the ocean with my deepest desires , to swim along side a lover ,

to party all the time yet hitting the markets right on time every day , still appreciating my books , my sports , my run ,

occasional dinner parties ; sipping on my glass of wine all the time , looking stylo milo all the time. to be actually able to balance my family my work my friends my traveling myself even making time for someone . meow.x3

Okay even peachy huh? hahahha

sorry, dreamy much today.

i wish for so much more, when its all over, i want to have done more then i ever said.

meow.

Okay... seriously though.. Eventually popping out one of these sweet kids. Hahahhahaha , end of the day, having a family, being stable , being happy and healthy, most importantly, being surrounded by my love ones, is more important then all of that. Along side with someone that always supporting, respecting me, loves my loves , encouraging who loves me for everything I am, everything I am not and sees the potential i can be.

Because.. I can chase and achieve and have everything the world can offer me, and yet still, have nothing at all.

So, thank you God for giving me everything that I already have. Sorry I always wanted more, nothing wrong with it but I should be content and happy with what I already have, which is, PLENTIFUL.

Love.

Stornoway.// Stitch by Stitch.

// I think if i ever decide to just stay single, i would glad feast all the time. Eating good food, simple fare, so long they are good tasting, is what i wanna do all day long. hahahaha plus, sipping wine. Sup with my wine obsession lately, i attribute it to sasha. I should just do a food blog, i might consider. Afterall, i love taking photo of food.

// Besides, lately, nothing is much, just basically trying to get in shape for my marathon, which is so darn difficult. Maybe i'll just complete 21 and just screw the rest of the distance. Work has been awesome, was given a opportunity to attend a sales training, and realize that as awesome as i think i am, which i reckon is sort of true (ha , ha , ha) I have alot to learn, a long way to go. Probably need to spend more time on work. Compartmentalizing my brain to function how it was before my little mr distraction came along. It is possible! Just gotta get to it again, balancing with more things on the plate isnt easy. Promises I made for myself this year, has to come true. I miss my lizzypoo tremendously and hehehe my peanut is coming back to sg. Gotta get to emailing these lovelets! Sigh, 24 hours isnt enough!!!!! Okay , gotta run.

Well, updates with pretttttyyy photos.

x

Feza's birthday celebration at Dempsey, The Hacienda.

** This lady can freaking sing! You guys should see Eric's and mine faces when Feza came belting out Michael Buble song. She's pretty awesome, darn. (:

Theme : Get Mad with Feza, MadMen ( The Advertising Television Show)

Feza and her billboard.

The largest Calamari Rings I have ever seen.

Eric leaving me out. hahahahahaha

Cup cakes birthdays.

Miss Karin in town for one semester ! We are so going to paint the town red missy.

ling! Finally going to embark on a new chapter in her life (:

// Promised dinner at mama's with mates. Surprised Birthday celebration (belated) for Mama and semi farewell dinner for Jero before he goes to Thailand.

It's some awesome boutique wine, i gotta gotta go find .

Told you it was a feast.

Sweet kids Sweet pops and mamas , super loving.

// Birthday shots with colleagues!

// Relle's 18th Birthday photos.

Awesome choco cake.

Group photo! (:
funny shot.

// Catch up with Sashie afternoon , laughing at one another on the bed , sharing all the silly boy crazy secrets and bullying one another. Dinner at good old peps with some other mates, catching up at wagon wheel before... finally finishing watching RENT, the awesome musical movie. Next, to watch Rent on broadway. Cant wait for Wicked in Dec (:

A gigantic pizza.

Super loving.

15 minutes later... hahaha

Poloraid time. Super loving, now pinned up on her board heh.

lucky boy caley.

Super loving 101 from all of us.

Random kitty photo, hehehe.

~ Sometimes emotions never measures to whats right or whats not. Sometimes as hard as you try, you cannot use words to describe a particular emotion or feeling. Sometimes no matter how much it annoys you, you cannot logically come up with an explanation for whatever you are feeling. Logically it does not make sense.

hoho, hide hide hide.

family.work.gym.study.travel.shopping.skinny.reading.blogging.boy friend.partying.dinner dates.friends.1st degree friends.2nd degree friends.3rd degree friends.

how to balance when theres only 24 hours?

7 days a week.

365 days a year.

obviously not.

so, you gotta cut some out to make it happen.

Goodnight.

i want to go traveling again!

now... i gotta save, next yr! so many places to go.

hehehe.

ps: I am very happy, very happy very happy very happy very happy very happy very happy that one of my best friends, melody huang , is finally feeling like shes on sugar high all the time.

sigh, us laughing like two retarded women at ion escalator, exclaiming out loud when our brains clicked that... finally... two of us. at the same time. Finally we say. hahaha for you for sure, perhaps not me yet.

xx