stress on a high

Sigh, I am stress. And very lethargic, I feel like ive been going around in circles. Like as though im holding things together but actually its all falling apart. Defeated much but no, I pray to You oh Lord, that You take my burdens and help me through this tough time. Times like these where I second guess myself, my self worth, my abilities, I pray You help me trust You and myself. I pray that you will let me have faith and that I will not feel defeated but feel victorious . That eventually everything will work out. That I will stand at the end point and understand why I have to go thru certain things. Please also give me a heart that is thankful and please teach me the virtue of having patience.


So Lord I pray, you help me prep and help me trust and know that You always go forth and prepare the way for me.


Amen.

Trust and faith

It was really good to meet with God on sunday and gained that fresh hope and feeling like my burden is being lifted up. That message on sunday was very much for me and targeted at my situation. So thank you for giving me the courage to go down and seek prayer. and thanks for the lady who did pray for me , who was spot on about the situation. I still pray for a miracle, regardless of its kind. I will seek You, seek your kingdom, seek your love and seek to learn to trust You first before everything else.
I pray for directions and I pray that I will learn to seek You before man.


I pray i will have a good sleep tonight.

All will be for the better. And i have this tiny wee bit crush on this boy.
hahaha.. been making the days better.


Night.

Rough Patch

So, I think it might be final that i aint getting it. When I first got the news, i sat at my desk and was extremely overwhelmed. I did not know what to do, i just knew i had to breathe. I counted ten, typed some random work and stood up went to the washroom, closed the cubicle and cried. I felt my entire body cringed at the resounding news and I did not know how to behave. Logically my mind kept reminding me all the politically correct things regarding the situation , about how if God closes one door, He's going to open another, dont lose faith, keep praying. With God, dream big, surrender it to Him and let Him deal with it. Yeah I know all these, I also trust in all of these. Though my emotions at that point of time was uncontrollable. At this very moment, I am still feeling really low and disappointed with myself. Though I am in a better composed self. I am a bit cynic and snappy , largely finding my cave and hide. Cringing whenever i scroll past the official email. My entire being gets the goosebumps , and it's not the good kind of goosebumps. Everything fit, coincidences and chances, random surprises and all, it fit. Yet, the outcome is not ideal at this point of time, though, with God.. you need to trust. You might not understand why He does not give you some of the things you pray so hard for but you need to trust that He knows whats best for you better then you. I promise I am only going to be sappy till Monday and then i'll recover. Really need to start planning a way out or a better way because the brim is here. Gotta pray cause very lost right now. Still pray for that tiny hope that I'll get another email for acceptance. It could happen, with God it could. Especially when it felt really right, though it might just be my own emotions crowding up my judgement. But yes, I will still pray about it, hoping for the impossible. It will only , it can only, come with Him and Him alone.


Having the muster seed of faith and hope, I hence lift up my load to You Oh Lord, please take them and I pray, for now, that someone will reject it and somehow or rather, it will be given to yours truly. Believing in miracles, why pray? because in a second, God can do all things I cannot do even if I spend my entire life trying. There is no harm in believing and praying for the best. Whichever it is, i know it is for the best. As much as the enemy is shouting and trying to put negative thoughts in my mind, i will only turn and look to God. Just 2 - 3 days of sappiness, I'll be alright. Disappointments, I'll feel all these negativity emotions and I will turn it all around and make it work for me.


So I pray, for good or better, a path that You laid out for me, I will be able to identify it and walk in it.
Faith & Hope .
And I pray God, you, heal my wound and take away all these negativity thoughts, for I am made in the image of You.
Nothing less, nothing more.


And thank you Lord for the people who been there and who have been extremely supportive. Specific people you placed in my life to support me. I thank You so much for them.

Amen.