I want to be different things , different personas at different times.
Sometimes I am not happy and very insecure, thinking i have to be a size uk4 , which translates to me wanting to be skinny, skinnier , smaller package , smaller arms, skinnier legs , less chubs on my chubs cheeks , less jiggles when i walk and the only thing that bounce is my gorgeous black hair. i also then want pretty face, nicer eyes , luscious lips , really long flattery eye flashes, perfectly shaped eye browns , radiant skin all the time. mind you, no eye bags, no little ugly pimples . Nails always shaped and perfectly painted.
Hair gorgeous , silky and long , curly and pretty bouncy . Feet perfectly fitting in all gorgeous inched shoes , tramping around with no difficulty . No matter what's the weather out there, always looking picture perfect. All i do is stroll down beaches or madison avenue , with my camera in hand, exploring new places , new countries , new party place , having enough just to spend but having the time of my life.
Peachy huh no? BUT... i am nowhere near any of this. I am so so so so so so much prettier in my head. Isnt she a hottie? Victoria Moore. hahahaha
Then some days all i want to do and want to be is, to dressed head to toe in long sleeves silky cotton shirts, high waisted sexed up black pencil skirts , black tight dresses, with bags like mulberry ; marc jacobs ; loewe ; prada ; chanel to pick from , heels high as hell but professional at the same time , most importantly , boss a roomful of men around and talk about charts all the time. With all the moolah I get from spending almost 20 hrs at work , still looking good though , a pretty house for myself ,
definitely an awesome car (maybe a couple) ,
occasional flings here and there to make sure and check that i still have it going. Taking long deserving holidays when i know i need to, to places i never thought i would visit. Surrounded by Suit up men all the time.
Then there are days like these that i want the best of both worlds.
to be skinnier , prettier , smaller , taller , hotter , to own that to own this to own practically everything , to live that fast life to also live that slow life , to dive into the ocean with my deepest desires , to swim along side a lover ,
to party all the time yet hitting the markets right on time every day , still appreciating my books , my sports , my run ,
occasional dinner parties ; sipping on my glass of wine all the time , looking stylo milo all the time. to be actually able to balance my family my work my friends my traveling myself even making time for someone . meow.x3
Okay even peachy huh? hahahha
sorry, dreamy much today.
i wish for so much more, when its all over, i want to have done more then i ever said.
meow.
Okay... seriously though.. Eventually popping out one of these sweet kids. Hahahhahaha , end of the day, having a family, being stable , being happy and healthy, most importantly, being surrounded by my love ones, is more important then all of that. Along side with someone that always supporting, respecting me, loves my loves , encouraging who loves me for everything I am, everything I am not and sees the potential i can be.
Because.. I can chase and achieve and have everything the world can offer me, and yet still, have nothing at all.
So, thank you God for giving me everything that I already have. Sorry I always wanted more, nothing wrong with it but I should be content and happy with what I already have, which is, PLENTIFUL.
Love.
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