Working.

Happy 54th birthday my daddyho.
cant wait for this weekend.
Love you to bits
xx.



Hello sweet schmucks. Pure ranting coming your way.

i'm amanda, people call me mandy and all sorts of other funny weirdy names.
i'm of the age tiny little 2 zero , im pretty tall i must say, not that very thin sorta but more of what brazillian calls magrafalsa "false thin" (quoted from eat pray love) , i am very plain, read tons of books, i could dance like a hamster running on its wheels, and i could smile like the world will never get to me.

& now it has finally caught up to me. I now add another descriptive word to my life, I am a working lady now. girl actually but okay . Work is okay, actually I dont like working. People who know me, know me with full of energy , bouncing up and down, staying up all night. & now, I go to bed at 11.45pm. I go home after work , or to the gym, try to stay out on fridays cause I dont go out on saturdays much, as thats the day being the only time i sleep in . My energy is depleted like nuts, and I dont think i feel chronic lack of sleep this bad before. Sigh but work has a good thing too, my time is so valuable now, i only spend it with people i bother with or i wouldnt mind seeing. No more nonsense silly stuffies. But then now my life is so non spontaneous , i am sad.
my week is planned two weeks ahead.

7 days 24 hours is not enough. I spend 12 hours at work every weekday. 6 hours sleeping. 2 hours traveling. And all I left with is literally 4 hours every weekday.

4 hours. that is crazy scary. Lately, before I realize its bedtime, I am already deep asleep. It's like im not in the moment, I am going through it, and before my soul catches up, it's already over. It's like running after a train that I am never going to board.

I know everyone go through this phase, everyone goes through this season, but I dont know how to love it. My soul is too free for this. I feel tied down.

Im trying though. But im dragging it. Now I wanna sleep. No more time, it's sad , ): I never felt so cheated out of life.

Is this it?
I dont even have the time to rant and be upset. can you believe it?

Goodnight.

For 19 october .
-" Sending my love, my thoughts , blessings and happy birthday wishes to you , my firsts , my long dweller , my memory , mine once upon a time, happy 20th birthday, be happy. "