Tough times.

"You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let out everything that you have kept in all day? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting."

~ darren c.

Lately things been tough, not for me, but for alot of people i care about. every other week i hear something bad, though that being said i of course thank God for everytime i wake up with a brand new start, fresh air to breathe. but i am tired of hearing so many bad things happening to good people. today i lost my phone too, i am angry not cause i lost my phone. how do i put this. i left it for a couple of mins, walk in and look for it and waited for everyone to lie to me that they didnt take it. humanity much? sense of disappointment. forgiveness, maybe tomorrow. so then, cause lately with alot of things going wrong, i kept having a nagging feeling that.. when is it my turn? well, maybe losing my phone was a thing. even now i cant really comprehend it. simply cause its unbelievable, cause i remember exactly where i left it. sigh, trust. so hard to earn among people. do we really need monitors to be placed around to cause fear? do we really do not have enough integrity in us? why is it that in the country side people sleep with their doors open but people who are apparently more civilized like in the city, have ten thousand locks and crime rates are so high? Why is it the more educated we are, the more mistakes we tend to make? We become complicated living here surrounded by technology and as though, the more things we know, the more things we understand, we become more self absorbed and obscene. Why do people who live far off the country side, sleep with peace? sleep with simplicity , dont get me wrong, i am sure one or two must have done smth bad. but im saying, the very simple question, why is there even a need for us to be so wary till we lock our gates and wooden doors while people who are less educated, know less of the world, sleep peacefully with their doors wide open?

I need things to start getting right, true i should count my blessings, health for my family , health for most of my friends, but i need something to get right in my life. I hope losing the phone, wont be the start of things going downwards.

Night. Trying to not be sappy about the new year. beside having two huge pimples and putting on many kilos, being drawn into an argument i am not willing to be in , things not going right with one of my closest friend that i will probably lose , anything more? I certainly pray no more.

x

i need a break, but even now flying feels like a bad idea.

2012

2012.. Here we go.

Sappy stuffs & resolutions save for another day.

It was a pretty okay awesome way to kick start the new year; like always.

Hope everyone had a decent 2011,

if not, remember to always count your blessings.

Night.

habits

bad habits.

the more something isnt mine, the more i want it.

reason it out mandy ho, reason it out.

temporarily fazed.

thats all....

guard.

What doesnt kills you makes you stronger. // December

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
But told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not a broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

I had an awesome possum, super productive weekend.

I am very pleased, are you?

December is here and my entire month is getting packed up but!!!!

it is really filled with all my loved ones , so I am insanely happy.

Everyone is coming back.

I spoke to alot of people this week too, managed to catch up with tons of people.

So I am very happy.

Thank you God for helping me through my marathon despite my poor preparation, I pray You give comfort to the 22 year old boy's family for his demise, it is really a shame to lose such a young person .

bite.

I am going to pick a fight with you simply cause you are plain old childish.

boys vs men.

you cant go back after you are surrounded by men,

true? perhaps.

mandy my dear mandy mandy, keep your hands to yourself.

remember promises, remember your dreams , remember the lines you cant cross!

Brick Walls , though it is seemingly harmless.

Thus, insanely harmful.

xx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY MELODY LOVE.

PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME BUT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET HEART.

through our insanely close to 5 years of madness together, it was difficult to even pick out 10 photos only. We have ten thousand photos together. You know how much I love you not? Super alot that i am not sleeping now so i can just blog this so you can read it. Despite that I wrote you a darn letter . I am so glad we been through what we have been through, i am even more so happy that we went through things together , side by side. And through it all, we came out even stronger and well, a better sense of appreciation of what we mean to each other in our lives. Time is passing by insanely fast but I wanna let you know that I thank God all the time for putting you in my life and allowing us to grow OLD together.

You know i always got your back dont you? That I will always love you, so much so, i am publicly announcing that even though now you are attached ( finally ) , I am demanding still your time, care , love , sorry derek, you must share. ((: Dont worry, i will learn to love you too then yay you guys can adopt me. please?

Hhahahaha okay no sappy stuffs but thanks for loving me, always being literally there and most importantly , being my friend.

Happy 25th Birthday , we got about 70 more years to go. Keep loving my face cause it will be sticking right infront of yours ALL THE TIME.

Go , look through our years with these photos. Love you.

Happy birthday melo.

look how far we have come?

(:

Blessings.

Sigh, at first , there was nothing to worry about, but now i feel like theres something up. Freaking out a wee bit so I am asking you God to bless him and take care of him, keep him safe while he does his tests. For all that has been happening, for all the not so great news, though i am still thankful for many things should i failed to mentioned it!, i would appreciate it and love it if the test results comes out good and negative to everything that is bad. If i am making much sense, please. Everything in your good hands, everything , all the worries , all cast upon you. I dont need something major to recognize that , at the end of the day, all i need is pretty much You. So.. please, keep him safe and sound, and that he knows that he is safe in your arms. Putting our trust in You , let him know you are just right there should discomfort arises.

Amen.

Nothing like family.

xx