Tough times.

"You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let out everything that you have kept in all day? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting."

~ darren c.

Lately things been tough, not for me, but for alot of people i care about. every other week i hear something bad, though that being said i of course thank God for everytime i wake up with a brand new start, fresh air to breathe. but i am tired of hearing so many bad things happening to good people. today i lost my phone too, i am angry not cause i lost my phone. how do i put this. i left it for a couple of mins, walk in and look for it and waited for everyone to lie to me that they didnt take it. humanity much? sense of disappointment. forgiveness, maybe tomorrow. so then, cause lately with alot of things going wrong, i kept having a nagging feeling that.. when is it my turn? well, maybe losing my phone was a thing. even now i cant really comprehend it. simply cause its unbelievable, cause i remember exactly where i left it. sigh, trust. so hard to earn among people. do we really need monitors to be placed around to cause fear? do we really do not have enough integrity in us? why is it that in the country side people sleep with their doors open but people who are apparently more civilized like in the city, have ten thousand locks and crime rates are so high? Why is it the more educated we are, the more mistakes we tend to make? We become complicated living here surrounded by technology and as though, the more things we know, the more things we understand, we become more self absorbed and obscene. Why do people who live far off the country side, sleep with peace? sleep with simplicity , dont get me wrong, i am sure one or two must have done smth bad. but im saying, the very simple question, why is there even a need for us to be so wary till we lock our gates and wooden doors while people who are less educated, know less of the world, sleep peacefully with their doors wide open?

I need things to start getting right, true i should count my blessings, health for my family , health for most of my friends, but i need something to get right in my life. I hope losing the phone, wont be the start of things going downwards.

Night. Trying to not be sappy about the new year. beside having two huge pimples and putting on many kilos, being drawn into an argument i am not willing to be in , things not going right with one of my closest friend that i will probably lose , anything more? I certainly pray no more.

x

i need a break, but even now flying feels like a bad idea.