Be my sweet, sweet, mess.

I feel odd again. Do not like feeling this way , this feeling that I cannot put into words. I think I just feel a bit stress but thats not cause I cannot handle but more like, I'm not organized enough to optimize my time. I think I really need to go onto google map and find my cave somewhere and hide for the better part of human life. Think its a tad too complex for my sane mind to comprehend life , its emotions, its journey , its social norms , in general, being around too many people. I think suffocating is the word, but then again, its so hard to draw the line here and there, they are usually grey areas. ): & Im such a mess , am i not? What if we were never meant to pursue this side of the spectrum? What if it was the other side all along? I need to google , cave now.

saw this on a website, which might be the closest thing to explain how I sorta am feeling ,

" Well, I no longer believe in love. In any way shape or form, I don’t believe it exists. I believe people think they love people, to provide themselves with a sense of comfort and hope. But in reality, everyone you love will end up hurting you. That’s just how things are. So, I’ve honestly given up relationships. Friendships and everything. Human involvement only leads to disappointment. Nothing people feel is constant, everyone is changing, and everyone is fake. People are just products of each other, and I’m honestly tired of seeing the same thing everyday. I’m tired of people and their trained emotions, taught to feel certain ways in certain scenarios. So from my brokenness, I’ve decided to recreate myself. Make something better of myself from nothing. It’s only when we are completely broken, that we can understand the greater power of our spirit. And find what we are truly made of. "

I think I am just depressed that time is finite & mistakes can never be rectify & words can't be taken back & we cannot rewind anything & the world is falling apart isnt it? natural disasters one after another): , and we only have 1 life, just 1, to live it out. 70 , 80 years is not enough. Why cant we be 18 , forever ? forever young and energetic with the wise knowledge of grandparents , and we can keep reliving life with that energy and that wisdom. Taking different paths and never being afraid that we are making a wrong choice. Wouldnt that be awesome?

Random moments when you feel like your not alive, your not living life, but life's living you. But no worries! tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be sunshine again.


" ~ Don’t miss out on what’s happening right now just because you're waiting for something better to come along. You can't live in the future. "

Amanda.