25th Aug - Sermon Feedback.

‎25th Aug 2012

Post Faith Sermon.

This sermon particularly highlighted to me the importance to check my heart when I pray. I do believe that whenever we pray about certain "choices" or "decisions" we tend to already kind of make up our mind, that is sometimes a bit dangerous because you know.. you tend to hear/see what you want to hear and see. That can be very misleading, so I am reminded that when I come to the Father to pray about something, I check my heart. To make sure that, sure.. there might be a possibility that I am leaning more towards a certain decision more so than the other... but to have a heart that is after God and His will for me. 

Pastor also mentioned about paying attention to the process. True, the end result , end product is something that entices us to even begin to want to begin a journey. But we cannot forget that the process is very important. It gets us to where we are meant to go. When we are face with the question if we want to seek God & His will, for me, my answer is yes. Of course it is not easy but I have come to realize that His ways are always better than mine, what He has planned for me will always be better than what I think I know, because.. the fact is I do not know. It all starts with the heart, so I pray that my heart desires will be to please God and not men or even myself, to have my desire to please Him to be stronger than any disability that tries to stop me from doing what He has planned for me.

He also reminded me that I already have His general will with me, the bible. He will be same today, yesterday and tomorrow. Nothing He says will contradict the written Word. Before my specific will comes along, I first have to abide in His Word. Because I need to be able to sieve out the noise and listen clearly to Him , we will make mistakes, hear wrongly but God, He who is perfect, will never make a mistake. So I am praying this week , I will have a heart that desires are to please Him and no one else. That I am make sure my daily quiet time is to listen to Him instead of "ranting" off. To listen and to wait upon His word.

Thank you for the word Ps Daniel.

Love,
Amanda.

Have a good week ahead lovelets, see you guys wed.

♥

Death.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalms 147v3

For everything else that is more important than the nitty gritty of life, 

I pray You give comfort, shelter to both her and her family.

Thru this difficult time, to show Yourself so clearly she can no longer deny You,

instead of running further away, she will draw closer to You.

God , my dear Lord Almighty, I pray You saturate her in Your Love.

That she knows that you are right there, loving , caring , understanding her.

I pray you help me to help her, to be strong for her.

I pray you first soften her heart, so she will allow You in , to allow me in.

I pray you cuddle her tonight to sleep, let her know that you collect every teardrops of hers.

We might not understand why some things happens the way they do but we need to trust in You.

Because You are the only one that is certain, nothing else is.

Just hold her tight, hold her so very tight, embrace her, fill her anew with Love, that you might not deliver her from this but You are right there with her, going through it together.

Let her learn to reach out when she needs too, let her learn to rely at least on You and people You place in her life, that she knows that human flesh is weak but strength drawn for you will gives us strength to carry on, grace to endure the hardship.

Let her know that you know she is hurting, that her heart is broken but You are right there, right beside her, reaching out, waiting for her to just reach out and collapse into your arms. Please keep knocking on her door, so she knows that You love her so very much. That every amount shes hurting, you are hurting even more. That though things are blurry now, confusing even, she'll learn to trust in You.

Hold her heart in your palms, Lord I pray, protect and be strong for her.

Saturate her with Your Love , allow her to be soften to know so many loves her too.

I pray against the devil and his disgusting negativity thoughts, Lord I pray you remove all of it, I cast them out in your name.  Fill her only with love, strength drawn from you so she may carry the weight, softening of the heart so she allow people you placed in her life to help her carry the weight. She must not go thru this alone. For You are there for her.

Fill her with your love, cuddle her, love her.

Amen.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted . Matthew 5v4

For He is always faithful.

Lately I've drawn closer to God, for reasons both known and unknown. 

He has shown me that I cover up alot of things, pushing mountains under the carpet.

Hiding it away. What got me really upset with myself that I didnt see that I did not know my God enough to know that there was nothing with hoping, with wanting something. How is that possible? its as though I thought that if I wanted something too much? God will take it away from me. Contrary, dont get me wrong, there are times when you want things that are no good for you.. of course God is not going to give you. But, not even hoping or wanting things? is messed up. Our God only wants to prosper you, to give you the best of best, how does He do that? You need to first expect, live with an expectancy that you'll be victorious , that good things can happen to you, to dare to place yourself in a situation that is beyond yourself, to dive head in first... so God can come in and make it happen for you.

Raw emotions, raw thoughts, but it will get clearer as I think it through.

God is showing me so much, showing me that I do not understand Him , that I doubt Him, His never changing characteristics, He only wants the best for me, how can I think that He does not want to give? To the extend of not even daring to step out, not even having faith. It is okay to hope, to want, to ask my sweetheart, was what He was whispering to me. The difference is.. to ask, to hope, to want but to understand that sometimes He does not give / answer not because He is not listening, but because you are not ready. That the end product/blessing, should not determine your faith in Him & His promises.

He's teaching me, telling me, to let Him do the driving, my hands off the wheel, He's going to take me thru an adventure. To be comfortable with feeling, to ask, to hope, to want.. but having that immense faith that believes/expects it to happen but.. resides in that truth that even if it doesnt, He is still true, He is still faithful, He is still never changing. Its as though He's telling me that , Amanda Amanda Amanda.. you want to reach new heights? Come along with me. If you do not ask, if you do not hope, if you do not want enough, you'll always be only doing mediocre work, nothing great, nothing spectacular, because you are relying on your own strength, within your own comfort zone sweetheart.. so failing is a very low probability because you dealt those cards on your own.. But if you come along with Me, I will take you to higher highs.. teaching you to step out, to relying on Me instead on your own strength, to garner more faith in Me .. that is only going to happen if you my dear, will step out.. step out and learn to be ok, to be a human with emotions, needs, wants, it's okay to ask my dear.. It's okay. Just always trust me.. Be close to my heart, be after my heart.. I only ever want the best for you sweet heart.. if your earthly father will give you everything, what more your heavenly Father?

My dear heavenly Father is teaching me how to love first by being okay with having emotions, emotions that I entrust to Him instead of handling it on my own. This… is a first.

Daniel 3v13, having faith like the 3 boys, never wavering faith, non circumstantial faith.

Goodnight.

stress on a high

Sigh, I am stress. And very lethargic, I feel like ive been going around in circles. Like as though im holding things together but actually its all falling apart. Defeated much but no, I pray to You oh Lord, that You take my burdens and help me through this tough time. Times like these where I second guess myself, my self worth, my abilities, I pray You help me trust You and myself. I pray that you will let me have faith and that I will not feel defeated but feel victorious . That eventually everything will work out. That I will stand at the end point and understand why I have to go thru certain things. Please also give me a heart that is thankful and please teach me the virtue of having patience.


So Lord I pray, you help me prep and help me trust and know that You always go forth and prepare the way for me.


Amen.

Trust and faith

It was really good to meet with God on sunday and gained that fresh hope and feeling like my burden is being lifted up. That message on sunday was very much for me and targeted at my situation. So thank you for giving me the courage to go down and seek prayer. and thanks for the lady who did pray for me , who was spot on about the situation. I still pray for a miracle, regardless of its kind. I will seek You, seek your kingdom, seek your love and seek to learn to trust You first before everything else.
I pray for directions and I pray that I will learn to seek You before man.


I pray i will have a good sleep tonight.

All will be for the better. And i have this tiny wee bit crush on this boy.
hahaha.. been making the days better.


Night.

Rough Patch

So, I think it might be final that i aint getting it. When I first got the news, i sat at my desk and was extremely overwhelmed. I did not know what to do, i just knew i had to breathe. I counted ten, typed some random work and stood up went to the washroom, closed the cubicle and cried. I felt my entire body cringed at the resounding news and I did not know how to behave. Logically my mind kept reminding me all the politically correct things regarding the situation , about how if God closes one door, He's going to open another, dont lose faith, keep praying. With God, dream big, surrender it to Him and let Him deal with it. Yeah I know all these, I also trust in all of these. Though my emotions at that point of time was uncontrollable. At this very moment, I am still feeling really low and disappointed with myself. Though I am in a better composed self. I am a bit cynic and snappy , largely finding my cave and hide. Cringing whenever i scroll past the official email. My entire being gets the goosebumps , and it's not the good kind of goosebumps. Everything fit, coincidences and chances, random surprises and all, it fit. Yet, the outcome is not ideal at this point of time, though, with God.. you need to trust. You might not understand why He does not give you some of the things you pray so hard for but you need to trust that He knows whats best for you better then you. I promise I am only going to be sappy till Monday and then i'll recover. Really need to start planning a way out or a better way because the brim is here. Gotta pray cause very lost right now. Still pray for that tiny hope that I'll get another email for acceptance. It could happen, with God it could. Especially when it felt really right, though it might just be my own emotions crowding up my judgement. But yes, I will still pray about it, hoping for the impossible. It will only , it can only, come with Him and Him alone.


Having the muster seed of faith and hope, I hence lift up my load to You Oh Lord, please take them and I pray, for now, that someone will reject it and somehow or rather, it will be given to yours truly. Believing in miracles, why pray? because in a second, God can do all things I cannot do even if I spend my entire life trying. There is no harm in believing and praying for the best. Whichever it is, i know it is for the best. As much as the enemy is shouting and trying to put negative thoughts in my mind, i will only turn and look to God. Just 2 - 3 days of sappiness, I'll be alright. Disappointments, I'll feel all these negativity emotions and I will turn it all around and make it work for me.


So I pray, for good or better, a path that You laid out for me, I will be able to identify it and walk in it.
Faith & Hope .
And I pray God, you, heal my wound and take away all these negativity thoughts, for I am made in the image of You.
Nothing less, nothing more.


And thank you Lord for the people who been there and who have been extremely supportive. Specific people you placed in my life to support me. I thank You so much for them.

Amen.

Life is short. very short.

To Dominique Lee.

For a person that I hardly know but heard of alot , for a person that means alot , means the world to many of the people I care about. For your family and for everyone that loves you.

I pray, you are safe in God's hand.

// So. Just heard that one of a friend passed on. Nah we are not tight, definitely really havent spoken to him, perhaps glances and a simple hi. but darn, its close enough with about a great number of my mates being affected by this. it serves a very very important reminder about how simple life can be just here and then gone. So do not take for granted every morning when you wake up, every night when you go to bed. Because, you been blessed with another day. I'm not saying to live life and totally ignore consequences, live it in such a way that you know what matters to do what does not and you keep working towards it. Ignore the rest, cause seriously, it will all come to pass. Set out goals, set out foot prints, strive and keep striving, keep trying. No sweeties, no one wakes up thinking it's their last day. No one, so please do cherish every breathe.

~ God bless his family and his loved ones for he has played a huge part in those people's life.

Amen.

my baby sister.

Happy 16th birthday my sweet baby.

Sure hope you had a good time and that you enjoyed the surprise.

//

digress a bit,nostalgic much , couldnt help myself but to pop by today. i guess, i wanted to reassure myself that i am awesome and u see that i am awesome and that i am always the bigger person. i might complain about that but i enjoy being the bigger person. was nostalgic the entire day, got home, changed into one of the shirts.. went to read some old posts and gosh. hahahaha … i really think i "forgotten" all the bad parts and store in somewhere not reachable? so reading back was a bit difficult cause mmm, reminded me how far i strayed off and how unhealthy it was.though for what its worth, i was genuinely happy for a while. so that i am happy about.. beside that… i am thankful i did go thru that though it was very painful at that point of time. always a nice memory ..

//

also glad i have grown. gosh, was insanely retard in some older posts. that was funny but wildly disturbing. i judged myself hahahaha.

goodnight.

Matthew 6v19-33

For a long time I have been reaching out, maybe not as much as I should have but I have been. This morning while riding the train to work, after maybe conscious effort of listening to Praise FM in the morning and the night when I sleep has slowly tuned me a bit more towards God.

Well, I am now currently anxiously waiting for a response for something that I feel is good for me and my direction. I envisioned how things will be like for me this entire year and a favorable response to that question will please me alot. Very anxious and nervous but God is showing me how to trust and to understand that hey… no matter which direction the answer is heading towards, I will be okay. What is so amazing about this God of mine is that He communicates with me in his own subtle ways. So…. while riding the train this morning listening to some family workshop on Praise FM, God suddenly imprinted Matthew 6v24 to be exact into my heart. And Having the awesome iphone, i immediately browsed for the verse.

" No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other,or he will be devoted to the one and despite the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. " I reckon this is God's way of reminding me why I do what I do, why I make some decisions, that to always make sure the reasons behind these acts remains faithful and in tune with His ways. I am human, but He, He is God. And through Him, I can always try.

So then He prompted me to read from Matthew 6v19.. all the way to Matthew 6v33..

So what spoke most to me next was.. Matthew 6v25, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you eat or rink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important then clothes? Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

v28 " And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies in the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you? O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying " What shall we eat" or "What shall we drink? or "What shall we wear?" For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavently Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I was immediately calmed and … reminded of how much He loves us. Who am I to say He will love me any much lesser because of my wrongful doings that are human errors? But thank God for being merciful. Well, I trust Him with that decision and I lift it up onto Him. And I thank Him for reminding me all these lessons and humbling myself again.

Amen, thank You for loving me.

Our amazing God.

God's favour never cease to amaze me.

Expectancy is the seedbed for miracles to happen

1.speak to things on behalf of God
(Telling your problems howww Big our God is)

2. Speak to God on behalf of things.
(He is our best listener, always faithful)

Mountain moving faith -

Then, we not only know what He has said, we will then experience the
faithfulness in fulfilling it .

Amen

I am very thankful God, thankful for the doors and opportunities. I trust in You no matter what the results are because I know You know what is the best for me.

<3

The Black Keys - Too afraid to Love.

My gears they grind
More each day
And I feel like
They're gonna grind away

And the city blocks
They drive me wild
They're never ending
Mile after mile

I just don't know what to do
I'm too afraid to love you

It's heaven on earth
In her embrace
Her gentle touch
And her smiling face

I'm just one wishing
That I was a pair
With someone
Oh somewhere

All those sleepless nights
And all those wasted days
I wish loneliness would leave me
But I think he's here to stay
What more can I do
I'm wringing myself dry
And I can't afford to lose
One more teardrop from my eye

why you act all so nonchalant for a intention i do not comprehend.

// upset with you.

// praying for that prog , praying my dream will never come true , praying He oh so merciful , will bring salvation to mumsy , praying safety , praying for comfort, praying for you.

xx

DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE TOMORROW.

WOOOOOOO.

Lego house.

To tear down those walls, to tear down and destroy all those defense mechanism theories ive built up over the past four years, to slowly step out and be open. First time in 4 years , i admit my theories are semi flawed. Some stands some were just purely habits, unhealthy. At the end of the day, when it all begin on a clean slate, i dont know but i hope somehow or rather , you'll be standing there. Otherwise, hopefully someone well suited.

Work, that one slot. Need to focus , need to get it. Where's that motivation mandy? Dig deep and find it, no procrastinating anymore. Even if its just one, you can be that one.

God I pray you open my eyes to new things , open my heart to accept everything , open doors that I can finally step into and feel at home. Thank you once more for my family, my wonderful sweet family, thank you for forgiving my shortcomings , my wonderful awesome support group. And thank you for every single day in my 21 ish years of life. Striving, for the better in life and not lose sight of what is important. Balance, i think i use that word a countless times. I still trying to achieve that ; realizing that it comes easily with you around to guide me. So here, thank my hand, let me be planted.

xxxx be my source of strength and give me wisdom to see things in the long run. give me skills to work around people and love them with a open heart.

xxx, i miss you i think.

the heart.

Because they love you so much, because it almost doesnt matter if im in that equation or not; you are being remembered everyday. i wish there was a way to give you and me that initial spark that most people have when they first fall in love, the rest that people work so hard for, we do not lack. its the heart beating, nervous, shy but madly pheromones driven love that we missed out on.

guide me Lord, for a piece of me will always be with him.

the distance , is it just that? or was it going because of the first time ever, it was so real from the start, i couldnt handle and i just ran. when basically all i wanted was there, in lego pieces, waiting for us to build.

x,

love.

Tough times.

"You know that feeling when you’re just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let out everything that you have kept in all day? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you’re tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay, but no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won’t be, but you’re still hoping and you’re still wishing and you’re still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting."

~ darren c.

Lately things been tough, not for me, but for alot of people i care about. every other week i hear something bad, though that being said i of course thank God for everytime i wake up with a brand new start, fresh air to breathe. but i am tired of hearing so many bad things happening to good people. today i lost my phone too, i am angry not cause i lost my phone. how do i put this. i left it for a couple of mins, walk in and look for it and waited for everyone to lie to me that they didnt take it. humanity much? sense of disappointment. forgiveness, maybe tomorrow. so then, cause lately with alot of things going wrong, i kept having a nagging feeling that.. when is it my turn? well, maybe losing my phone was a thing. even now i cant really comprehend it. simply cause its unbelievable, cause i remember exactly where i left it. sigh, trust. so hard to earn among people. do we really need monitors to be placed around to cause fear? do we really do not have enough integrity in us? why is it that in the country side people sleep with their doors open but people who are apparently more civilized like in the city, have ten thousand locks and crime rates are so high? Why is it the more educated we are, the more mistakes we tend to make? We become complicated living here surrounded by technology and as though, the more things we know, the more things we understand, we become more self absorbed and obscene. Why do people who live far off the country side, sleep with peace? sleep with simplicity , dont get me wrong, i am sure one or two must have done smth bad. but im saying, the very simple question, why is there even a need for us to be so wary till we lock our gates and wooden doors while people who are less educated, know less of the world, sleep peacefully with their doors wide open?

I need things to start getting right, true i should count my blessings, health for my family , health for most of my friends, but i need something to get right in my life. I hope losing the phone, wont be the start of things going downwards.

Night. Trying to not be sappy about the new year. beside having two huge pimples and putting on many kilos, being drawn into an argument i am not willing to be in , things not going right with one of my closest friend that i will probably lose , anything more? I certainly pray no more.

x

i need a break, but even now flying feels like a bad idea.

2012

2012.. Here we go.

Sappy stuffs & resolutions save for another day.

It was a pretty okay awesome way to kick start the new year; like always.

Hope everyone had a decent 2011,

if not, remember to always count your blessings.

Night.

habits

bad habits.

the more something isnt mine, the more i want it.

reason it out mandy ho, reason it out.

temporarily fazed.

thats all....

guard.

What doesnt kills you makes you stronger. // December

You know the bed feels warmer
Sleeping here alone
You know I dream in colour
And do the things I want

You think you got the best of me
Think you had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

You heard that I was starting over with someone new
But told you I was moving on over you

You didn't think that I'd come back
I'd come back swinging
You tried to break me, but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started
Thanks to you I'm not a broken hearted
Thanks to you I'm finally thinking bout me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning
In the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

I had an awesome possum, super productive weekend.

I am very pleased, are you?

December is here and my entire month is getting packed up but!!!!

it is really filled with all my loved ones , so I am insanely happy.

Everyone is coming back.

I spoke to alot of people this week too, managed to catch up with tons of people.

So I am very happy.

Thank you God for helping me through my marathon despite my poor preparation, I pray You give comfort to the 22 year old boy's family for his demise, it is really a shame to lose such a young person .

bite.

I am going to pick a fight with you simply cause you are plain old childish.

boys vs men.

you cant go back after you are surrounded by men,

true? perhaps.

mandy my dear mandy mandy, keep your hands to yourself.

remember promises, remember your dreams , remember the lines you cant cross!

Brick Walls , though it is seemingly harmless.

Thus, insanely harmful.

xx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY MELODY LOVE.

PLEASE DO NOT KILL ME BUT, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET HEART.

through our insanely close to 5 years of madness together, it was difficult to even pick out 10 photos only. We have ten thousand photos together. You know how much I love you not? Super alot that i am not sleeping now so i can just blog this so you can read it. Despite that I wrote you a darn letter . I am so glad we been through what we have been through, i am even more so happy that we went through things together , side by side. And through it all, we came out even stronger and well, a better sense of appreciation of what we mean to each other in our lives. Time is passing by insanely fast but I wanna let you know that I thank God all the time for putting you in my life and allowing us to grow OLD together.

You know i always got your back dont you? That I will always love you, so much so, i am publicly announcing that even though now you are attached ( finally ) , I am demanding still your time, care , love , sorry derek, you must share. ((: Dont worry, i will learn to love you too then yay you guys can adopt me. please?

Hhahahaha okay no sappy stuffs but thanks for loving me, always being literally there and most importantly , being my friend.

Happy 25th Birthday , we got about 70 more years to go. Keep loving my face cause it will be sticking right infront of yours ALL THE TIME.

Go , look through our years with these photos. Love you.

Happy birthday melo.

look how far we have come?

(:

Blessings.

Sigh, at first , there was nothing to worry about, but now i feel like theres something up. Freaking out a wee bit so I am asking you God to bless him and take care of him, keep him safe while he does his tests. For all that has been happening, for all the not so great news, though i am still thankful for many things should i failed to mentioned it!, i would appreciate it and love it if the test results comes out good and negative to everything that is bad. If i am making much sense, please. Everything in your good hands, everything , all the worries , all cast upon you. I dont need something major to recognize that , at the end of the day, all i need is pretty much You. So.. please, keep him safe and sound, and that he knows that he is safe in your arms. Putting our trust in You , let him know you are just right there should discomfort arises.

Amen.

Nothing like family.

xx