a break , a well deserved break.

i am finally taking the weekend off, finally finally finally.

no reception on my phone, the sea breeze, the bright bright sun, clear blue waters, running the tracks , reads , time spent with my family, myself.. and finally.. SLEEP.

I cannot wait. i need this.

Work been rewarding but i need sleep.

Life lately has been quite colorful i must say, exciting even.

Realizations and reminders of why certain decisions was made in the first place,

enjoying some high life.. esp this week. hahaha

oh wells..

and i realize, as we get older we hardly talk to our besties as much.. or even consult them about certain decisions we are gg to make. i think.. i guess.. we just assume we know best.. mmm what happened to those late night talks, staying up late trying to figure things out together? OH wells.....

i got issues. sigh.

(: more more next time, soon.

Gotta sleep. Love

Someone like you.

"Someone Like You"

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you're
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead,
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known
How bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Long week ahead!

Goodnight,

~ I wish i could just focus, focus just on one. Just let go of all the barriers and just go for it. Regardless of the consequences.

I wish.

Barely a week away.

~ yeah, remember that, opportunity comes, grab it.

Its like when it comes to you, my entire life, being, mindset, dreams , theories deserts me. It's as though, its two different person. One that knows what she wants, what she deserve, what she needs , with tons of dreams that needs to be fulfilled, working slowly but surely towards it. The other pretty much shelf all of that up and is so delusional, its difficult to believe. I'm turning 21 in barely days , with tons going on for me, working , my family , my friends , parties , sports, gym , i look good enough for myself, sometimes i forget im all that & so much more and still believe im nothing, like when i was 17..

maybe cause you had me when i was nothing, left me when i was nothing.

I cannot wait.. i worry about this saturday but i would love for it to come & really have a good good time surrounded by most of my love ones.

Worked so hard in the gym, i miss the gym, heart pumping enough for me to clear my brain, punching all the stress away , i know i am gg to wake up with a ache..... but. love it.

Goodnight, 5 freaking more days.

I'm scare.. but excited.

(:

xx

I rather love a bit too much then any lesser.

Please help me help myself.

every touch every sight are being burnt into my memory.

reliving.

it does not tally. my life does not intercedes yours anymore.

i am too far away, right? am i not?

Goodnight.

between you & i// June.

i have many things to say, of which I dont know how to begin.

Maybe im embarrassed, or worse still, ashamed of it.

It is June.. again. Its crazy, when i went to office two days ago,

i was flipping my calendar and typing out 1st June..

my heart dropped. I was .. darn. what on earth!

Time.. time is what Life is made up of, isnt it scary?

like sand slipping thru your fingers no matter how hard you try to contain it.

I want too many things , too many people, at the same time,

i need to spilt myself up for it to be possible.

i want to achieve everything, the important things & the not so important things.

I want to have everything, juggle everything, and still have my time for myself.

is it possible at all?

that feeling of head over heels, without a single wall thought blocking, knowing that the possibility of tumbling down down down, doesnt quite matter, going all the way, pouring & giving everything you can, heart thumping non stop, basically to love without rules , to feel and not stop yourself halfway. When?

Night.

reliving it all.

I know you're somewhere out there

Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbours think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

[Chorus]
At night when the stars
Light on my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes your on
The other side
Talking to me too
Oh Am I a fool
Who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I stopped asking why, cause i never could understand why. Instead I asked how. Please someone teach me how. Help me.

Always be my thunder.

Been busy settling my birthday place, a couple more nitty gritty details to confirm.

Very lazy... wheres my entourage?

You asked me why & I am asking you how.

Maybe I didnt try hard enough.

I need to try harder.

Why did you persist so hard when you were not gg to be bother after all?

I wish i could throw it all away.

And. Even I am feeling sorry for my own pathetic soul.

Solace work.

I literally feel the difficulties to breathe the moment i leave my office building.

& I am sincerely sorry for my mistake, twice, twice is a dangerous number to be on.

It gotta stop, it has already stopped.

Guilty.

I dont do things like that.. I dont.

Goodnight.

xx

Red Dot // M Hotel // Zouk

Why did you have to leave? I should have gone earlier.

Feel like your touch is burnt into my skin.

Imprinting your presence.

Breathe.

Deserve someone who gives a shit.

* God I pray you give me strength , extra strength to help , to reach out and to break through her. Thank you.

xx

Yashica.

WHERE ARE THESE FLAVOURS IN SINGAPORE? I WANNA TRY.

( I reckon only the last one is available here )

* crazy phases, beware.

I dont know what to think about when I have time, i just end up feeling alot of emotions and no words can describe it. Thus work gives me alot of perspective, work gives me a direction and for many hours in a day, i feel in control. Fingers cross. WORK WORK WORK WORK WORK. i secretly love work.

Let me talk about yesterday.

Yesterday was exciting.

I got caught in the rain. it was super heavy, at 7.55am, out of marina bay station. walked for 3 minutes, suddenly crazy heavy rain hit. And... i was running, shared an umbrella but guess what? the wind blew the entire umbrella away. Needless to say, I was drenched by the time I reached my office. Crazy stuffs, it was insane. hahaha blew dried after. nuts, then met Ed to grab dinner and presents for our friends this weekend. Which explains me being home early and going to sleep now.

Last week I did something exciting too, first time at that restaurant, first time in the cable in SG. freak the shit out of me, but, will blog that later with photos of course.

An event opening with Nigel & Jona that was pretty fun. After brewrekz with sashie & sherry. And popping into zouk to find my giant and the barker boys. Waited till 7am to get a cab that was insanely frustrating.

did something unthinkable. yawns.

Goodnight, first, gotta get skinny. gotta run that 21km in dec, can? of course.

* striking off was so easy whenever a single flaw was found, whether its a way to protect or just plain stupid.. it reminds us how with them, that never happened. Or. thats what we want to remember. Its true what they say, after a bad time, you struggle and you struggle.. when you think back, all you remember was the good stuffs. Somehow or rather, you refuse to admit the bad memories. Selective memory aye.

A long weekend coming right up.

HIdeaways.

They say when you love someone, you should love every bit of them.

but sorry, i cant do that. you got some way horrific flaws i cannot deal with.

maybe thats why i try to prove everyone wrong so badly.

but it is okay.. it is okay to walk away and let someone fend for themselves.

take responsibility to their mistakes.

you mother too much mandy.

sometimes. i am really am sorry for even caring..

I tangled up alot of things myself.

crazy weekend and i mean it.

Goodnight.

Easy heart.

*because i am barely human, i cant always keep myself above waters, sometimes even i drown

& I realize that you can never make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, its no longer a mistake, its a choice. Suffered serious basorexia symptoms. bad bad bad drug for me.

The heart has its reasons that reason does not understand. - Douglas Kennedy

Vivid images.

off to ed's, im gg to make potato salad. heeeheeteeeheeheee

~ when i realize i need to try, i also realize its going to end.

hungry at 4am.

**what a beautiful song.

There may come a time, a time in everyones life
where nothin seems to go your way
where nothing seems to turn out right
there may come a time, you just cant seem to find your way
for every door you walk on to, seems like they get slammed in your face

thats when you need someone, someone that you can call.
and when all your faith is gone
feels like you cant go on
let it be me
let it be me
if its a friend that you need
let it be me
let it be me

feels like your always commin on home
pockets full of nothin and you got no cash
no matter where you turn you aint got no place to stand
reach out for something and they slap your hand
now i remember all to well
just how it feels to be all alone
you feel like youd give anything
for just a little place you can call your own

thats when you need someone, someone that you can call
and when all your faith is gone
feels like you cant go on
let it be me
let it be me
if its a friend you need
let it be me
let it be me

* Disgusting photos after my run ((:

if only i can retain that natural flush in my cheeks after my run,

for the entire day. i will be very happy. hahahaha

doesnt smell too nice hahaha.
getting ready for ed's performance and a early night out with melo.

For the first time since I was 18,

I didnt particular enjoyed it.

& I wasnt afraid to say it.

I didnt indulge and I was tired.

Too noisy , too crowded and hah.. aint my scene, anymore.

crazy, could it be possible that I am finally tired of the lifestyle?

well, wont be too quick to make that statement but,

it definitely wasnt what it was to me anymore.

& I was upset you didnt wanna come see me today, though, it was probably my fault.

scheduling. no one wants to be second best after all, you should understand it best mandy...

* I appreciate your friendship, tickles me with your funny bone.

Goodnight.

Over the fence,not,yet.

Lost. Not good to be lost before going back.

Fret not, friday is here.

Taking a looooong run in the morning.

Small.Focus.

facing a I.C now.

tsk, hopefully it comes to pass.

it is difficult to pen down those thoughts into words that translate my emotions.

its been going round in circles for years.

gotta take the tick in the to do list box though.

rally up courage,somehow.

maybe tomorrow night...

Goodnight.

healthy oxytocin gotta hit me up some.

thanks for making me laugh with your stories.

x

Love verb.

pretty true yes?

(wongfu productions , they have amazing videos. should check it out!)

messy stuffs but hey, somehow or rather, we cant live with it, we cant live without it.

been watching youtube singers online.

i reckon guys who sing so well, look exceptionally good.

especially when they are belting out sweet lyrics no?

actually.. scratch that.

anyone that has a passion for something, will look exceptionally good.

just showing some support.!

haaha.

goodnight.

Working.

Happy 54th birthday my daddyho.
cant wait for this weekend.
Love you to bits
xx.



Hello sweet schmucks. Pure ranting coming your way.

i'm amanda, people call me mandy and all sorts of other funny weirdy names.
i'm of the age tiny little 2 zero , im pretty tall i must say, not that very thin sorta but more of what brazillian calls magrafalsa "false thin" (quoted from eat pray love) , i am very plain, read tons of books, i could dance like a hamster running on its wheels, and i could smile like the world will never get to me.

& now it has finally caught up to me. I now add another descriptive word to my life, I am a working lady now. girl actually but okay . Work is okay, actually I dont like working. People who know me, know me with full of energy , bouncing up and down, staying up all night. & now, I go to bed at 11.45pm. I go home after work , or to the gym, try to stay out on fridays cause I dont go out on saturdays much, as thats the day being the only time i sleep in . My energy is depleted like nuts, and I dont think i feel chronic lack of sleep this bad before. Sigh but work has a good thing too, my time is so valuable now, i only spend it with people i bother with or i wouldnt mind seeing. No more nonsense silly stuffies. But then now my life is so non spontaneous , i am sad.
my week is planned two weeks ahead.

7 days 24 hours is not enough. I spend 12 hours at work every weekday. 6 hours sleeping. 2 hours traveling. And all I left with is literally 4 hours every weekday.

4 hours. that is crazy scary. Lately, before I realize its bedtime, I am already deep asleep. It's like im not in the moment, I am going through it, and before my soul catches up, it's already over. It's like running after a train that I am never going to board.

I know everyone go through this phase, everyone goes through this season, but I dont know how to love it. My soul is too free for this. I feel tied down.

Im trying though. But im dragging it. Now I wanna sleep. No more time, it's sad , ): I never felt so cheated out of life.

Is this it?
I dont even have the time to rant and be upset. can you believe it?

Goodnight.

For 19 october .
-" Sending my love, my thoughts , blessings and happy birthday wishes to you , my firsts , my long dweller , my memory , mine once upon a time, happy 20th birthday, be happy. "

All eggs in a basket.

After awhile when life sorts of gets to you, you will realize that you find it difficult to put all your eggs into one basket. You feel like, maybe you shouldnt , you should scatter it all around, the sentence in your head thats probably on repeat is " Just in case,... Just in case.. " It applies it almost every area, from relationships, after one failed relationship, you tend to move back and then scatter all around , never having just one basket or more then one egg in one basket. and to job interviews, you feel like you want it but you enter, feeling like if i want it too much, and i dont get it, the disappointment is overwhelming. then you chide yourself for allowing hope to seep through your cells.

But hey.. is living medicore your type of life? is not hoping and always waiting for the worst to happen your thing? are you always just sitting around waiting for the last shoe to drop so you can say, " ah huh! i told you so "

How can it be the right way to live? I know its difficult, frankly I cant even put all eggs in a baskets yet, all the what ifs, just in case, sensibility vs naive . but at least, i am trying to.

My accomplishments is not measured by mere say, my accomplishments is however I want to set them,
it is dictated by nothing, but me.

Fingers crossed.
have a little faith my dear ones.
Goodnight.

Cause the hands on the clock shows no signs of stopping.

I've always wanted to live forever, to live till time doesnt has a hold on me.
To just drag around my feet , all around the sand and watch sun rise after sun rise.
And now, i've decided, out of nowhere, i just wanna live.

I dont have to live forever, I just want to live.
Right now, right at this moment.
With no fear, okay an adequate amount of fear,
to sail and discover.
To not be afraid and never let time grasp its hold onto me.
I'm 20. I have got a good 50 years infront of me.
I can climb the mountains, swim the deeepest seas,
jump from a building, party all night,
kiss as many people as i want,
dance the night away,
be as free as my soul takes me,
acquire as many skills as i deem desired,
who said we needed a love? we just need mates and heart thats always chasing.

Okay , so hell to my cough, im going to head out tonight.
Even if it meant just doing nothing.

[:

xx

I had a dream.

I detest being introduced as the other amanda but hey, gotta deal with it . its going to be sticking around, pretty much forever. Sometimes we gotta remember that the handprint we leave on someone's life , is pretty much going to be there forever, yeah, till time is over on your hourglass.
Therefore, no doubt the past is the past but learn from it, make better choices, dont sell yourself short, dont settle for anything lesser then the best but , dont be too blind to see that you already have the best in your hands.


I love my family so much btw.
They are one bunch of annoying quirky people but at heart, sincere and gentle.


Oh interviews please come my way,
finally im getting my act together.


show you my two favourite cars.

Audi A5 Sportsback.
sweet schmucks haha smoking right? I just saw it today at the customs.

well the other one would definitely be Audi S5.
my first love and probably the reason why giving my life to the bank would be ideal.






Okay going to dream.
I am so stuffed from eating in JB. Darn right, my daddy finally allowed me to go.
And darn we had a feast. Slurps.

Current book read : My Best Friend's Girl - Dorothy Koomson

Goodnight.
xx

Fightclub.

I wanna like start a fight.
Okay eventually.
" Start at least just one fight that involves throwing punches , dodging , smacking, pulling of the hair in my life "
This is going onto the list of the things I must do in my life.

Hahahahaha. Random but whatever man.

Poor England, and poor Korea ): They should have won last night.
Had fun yesterday but am super tired. So now, sitcoms time.

xx.